Diligence

This week we were asked to focus on diligence. I was grateful for the motivation to be more diligent in my scripture study and daily prayer. Preach My Gospel says that diligence is "steady, consistent, earnest, and energetic effort in doing the Lord's work." It also encourages me to focus on the most important things and stop wasting time. I have tried very hard for many years to use my time effectively- I live by a day-planner. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed because I am not able to check every box in a day. However, I've learned this week that as I do the important things [reading scriptures, praying, writing letters of gratitude] I feel less stressed out about my mundane assignments and am able to complete them in a more timely manner. I know that this is a small blessing for being diligent in completing the small and simple things, and I am grateful that I could experience those blessing this week. I hope to remember them as I am trying to decide between good, better, and best ways to spend my time.

Happy birthday to me.

Can you believe I'm NINETEEN. It just seems so old. Only one year away from 20. It is even weirder that I could be on a mission right now if I wanted.

Speaking of going on missions...I have given more thought to the possibility. Technically, I could have submitted my papers back in August and be leaving in a couple weeks. However, I have counseled with my parents, and my bishop, and the Lord most of all. At this point a mission is not in my plans. I don't know how I feel about that. Well, I feel at peace about it. In a way, I would really love to serve a mission. I loved going on splits with the sisters, I love teaching, I love being immersed in the gospel, I always feel so much desire to have these experiences that all of my peers and friends are having when I read their letters (to be honest, I'm so jealous). It seems like a mission would be the most perfect thing for me. I often get told that too, by church leaders and family members and dear friends. But that's part of the reason why I feel so at peace with my answer... Even though I would like to serve a mission, I just know that it's not for me. Not because I don't want to, not because I can't... Because I kind of do want to and I can. But I believe there must be something else in store for me, and I don't know what that is yet. 

For this year at least, it is serving as the RS president in my ward in Provo. If I was leaving on a mission right now, I would not be able to do that, and in the last 4 months I have seen so many wonderful things, just like one of my friends described from his mission: 

"You'll never gain as much knowledge and experience as you will on a mission. I can't tell you what an incredible experience it has been, especially as it comes to an end. The thought of going home soon leaves me speechless. I don't want to leave here... Missionary work is way too enjoyable. Seeing others change their lives... there's nothing like it. Not to mention the strength added to your personal testimony as well."

I've gained so much knowledge and experience in ward council, visiting teaching, coordinating, organizing, leading, and friendshipping in Relief Society that will affect the rest of my life. It is way too enjoyable. I've seen my sisters change their lives and had the opportunity to teach and befriend. It has helped me focus more on other people during this extremely selfish time of life. 

There has been so much strength added to my personal testimony as well. There were times at the beginning when I would just cry because it was too hard, it was too much time, I was too unqualified, etc. etc. But then I'd talk to my mom, and my grandma, and most of all the Lord, and be comforted, and lifted up, and reassured. I've gained such an amazing relationship working so closely with my bishop and his wife, and my testimony has been strengthened immensely. I've learned how to teach effectively and lovingly. Does this sound like a mission? I believe that this is my mission, at least for right now. I don't know if later the opportunity or desire to serve full-time will come up. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Anyway, that was a huge tangent. Today not only marks my day of birth, but the first day of finals week. Bleh. I discovered that I will have to take a final on my birthday in all my years of college, how lovely. I was not planning on much celebration but I was pleasantly surprised. I am blessed with so many thoughtful friends who made my birthday very happy indeed. But alas, I took a lot of liberties with my limited time today and am now have to really crack down on finals. Until those are over...ciao.

Jacob 1:15

“And we did magnify our office unto the Lord, taking upon us the responsibility, answering the sins of the people upon our own head if we did not teach them the word of God with all diligence; wherefore, by laboring with our might their blood might not come upon our garments; otherwise their blood would come upon our garments, and we would not be found spotless at the last day.”

I have held many callings in my life, and that will continue as long as I am active in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Some of those callings are bound by time, such as “counselor,” “visiting teacher,” and “Relief Society president.” Some of my callings will last forever, such as “big sister,” “daughter,” and “friend.” Some of my callings, like “mother” and “companion,” have not come yet. These callings are all very different, yet they have one thing in common. They all are given to teach me how to serve after the manner of Jesus Christ.

Jacob and Joseph magnified their Priesthood callings. I do not hold the Priesthood, but I know that I can still draw upon its power when fulfilling my own callings. Right now as the RS president of my YSA ward, I feel overwhelmed and emotionally drained. But I also feel so much joy when I am able to get to know the sisters in my ward and serve them. I just pray that I can find time each day to magnify this calling and do my best so that when I answer to God, I can be confident.

Am I merely a player?

A few days ago in class, we discussed the principle the Elder Bednar taught in a conference address and that Nephi taught in the second chapter of the second book of Nephi: To act, or be acted upon. “To act” is to take initiative and be proactive. It leads to happiness and effectiveness. The difference between being proactive and simply being acted upon is the use of the gift of agency. We are free to choose a) liberty, freedom, and eternal life or b) captivity and death, as taught in the scriptures. There are four essential ingredients that make our choices a matter of agency (like choosing between Sprite and beer, rather than just choosing Sprite or 7-Up). They are:

1. Knowledge of good and evil.

2. Opposition.

3. Law

4. Having the power to choose

I have had many experiences in my life that exhibit the difference between “acting” and being “acted upon.” Most recently is the adjustment into college life. I know from a couple of rough days that if I let myself simply be “acted upon” and not make conscious choices about how I spend my time, I quickly run out of time and find myself stressed and flustered. It is essential for me to make checklists and choices every day in order to fit in all of the necessary things. Relating to the analogy we’ve all heard before- as long as I fit the essential pebbles in my jar first, it is easy to fit the fun sand in between the cracks. I am learning this more and more each day. Some of the choices I make don’t seem to have eternal consequence, but I know that each decision will either benefit or harm my character, and as I strive to choose the things that Jesus would, I can come close to God.

Rise and shout, this Cougar is out.

College life is up and running. Bekah sometimes gets up and goes running. We are still figuring this whole thing out. Wish us the best, and hope to hear more soon, because that will mean that we are surviving.

Again, I love writing to real people instead of the zero virtual eyes who read this blog. So again, here is an update in the form of a missionary letter:

My roommates are fabulous. They are all very nice and easy to live with. We don't have a lot of organization, like chore charts and dinner assignments, because it just gets done anyway. Everyone picks up after themselves, makes sure that no one needs the bathroom before we shower, vacuums twice a week. It's perfect. Bekah is the best roommate I could ever ask for. She is such a blessing in my life and I am very grateful to have her!

School is a grind. I love it. But I hate it. But it's amazing. But it's killing me. I am taking 14 credit hours and I am on campus at work and studying and in lectures from 8:00am to 6:00pm every day. My classes are all very interesting and I like attending lectures and lab hours, but the homework is death. Hours upon hours upon hours of just READING. So it's like, what do I study? What should I know for the exam? Who knows, so I just feel like I need to know all of it. Most of my teachers are great though.

Work is going well. I am working in the admissions office, and learning so much about what students go through in order to come to BYU. And it makes me even more grateful for the opportunity I have to be here, at little to no cost, studying with the best of the best. So even though school is hard and homework is annoying, I love it. And I feel extremely blessed for the circumstances I find myself in.

Our YSA ward is great. We have ward prayer every Sunday night, FHE on Mondays with 2 other apartments, and lots of intramurals. I am playing on an Ultimate Frisbee team and it is so fun. We're pretty good, too! I also have the opportunity/curse to be very involved with the ward, because I have been called to be the Relief Society President. I love it, but I just feel a little inadequate and a little bit wondering, "Why me? Why me, when I am stressing out to keep my scholarship and take lots of credit hours and work every day?" I am striving to have a better attitude and embrace the calling. It is extremely busy. And stressful. And emotionally draining.  

And rewarding. And beautiful. To be able to get to know the sisters in my ward on such a personal basis, and be provided with tangible opportunities to serve every day is amazing. I am grateful for those things. And I just pray that I can find time in my busy days to magnify this calling and do the best that I can. Also, I'm getting really good at delegating.  

Speaking of church, there's been a lot of it. In the last week, I have attended about fourteen hours of church meetings. Also in the last week, I have listened to four Apostles speak live. President Eyring, Elder Nelson, Elder Scott, and Elder Christofferson have given messages at the Inauguration, Regional Conference, and our Tuesday devotional. I feel so blessed to not only be earning a secular education here at BYU, but to have so many testimony building experiences available to me. I am inspired by so many people here. My testimony has grown so much. It's really different going to church without parents and YW leaders expecting me to be there. It's also really different having sacrament meeting in a YSA ward because it is absolutely silent. It's kind of eerie to not hear crying babies and complaining children while the Priesthood is passing the bread and water. I love it. Taking the Sacrament has been a completely different experience for me these last couple of weeks, and it's amazing what a difference that reverence makes. 

I have gone on quite a few dates already. Some with an RM from my grandma and grandpa's mission in Australia. He is clearly very interested and I am befuddled with how to tell him that I am clearly not interested at all. He is a nice person, though.  

The others have been with AH. Do you know him at all? I guess you could say we're dating. Wha?! It has all happened so fast, but I feel really wonderful about it. From the moment we met, I feel like there was this inherent trust where I could tell him anything without fear of judgement or "you're weird" and he was listening, and did the same. We have continued to spend a lot of time together- studying on campus, lunch dates, tennis, watching football at his apartment, jam sessions, walks around the block, night hikes up the canyon, four-wheeling at his cabin, football games, phone calls every night, just everything!  

He served his mission in North Carolina and got home a year ago in October. So even though he is three years older than me, he's only one semester ahead of me in school. I have found out pretty quickly that in college, age doesn't matter. He is almost 22. Which is a little bit freaky, if you think about it that way, but honestly, we're both just people and we're both just in college and figuring out what to do with our lives and like spending time together and I trust him and he is so fun and handsome and so it is all just really pretty great. Plus, I am almost 19, and that's pretty old too. 

I have found lots of time to play tennis. I love playing on the BYU courts, and I think of you every time I do! BYU had a match against USU this week, but unfortunately I couldn't go. Instead I went to a movie showing for my American Heritage class. 

I can't think of any other major updates. Hopefully you made it though that novel. I'm sure I would also have a lot more questions for you if I knew what was going on! Does your mom send out general updates?

...But the thing I have discovered with writing missionaries (and please tell me if this is true for you) is that they don't care much for questions about the mission, because they live and experience that every day. So as exciting as it is, it's not that exciting for all of your emails/letters to be focused on the mission.  

If I were a missionary, I would like to feel as if I had real connections at home that were telling me what was actually going on, instead of censoring for what missionaries are "supposed" to think about, etc. I mean, you are still a human being with family and friends and a life. Your focus is on the Lord for these two years, but on P days you get a little taste of home again. Please let me know if you'd like me to omit any details such as dating (because that is totally taboo for some missionaries) or something else like that. My main mission is to let you know that I support you! Now, I have successfully made this even more of a novel.  

I love you! I pray for you often. I hope Spanish is coming more naturally for you every single day. I have learned so many things about myself in these three short weeks of school, so far. I am grateful for eye-opening experiences. This college thing is so hard, but it is so worth it. And I'm positive that your mission is the same way. What have you learned about yourself in these last few weeks? 

Have a wonderful week. Be safe and good and trust in the Lord. That is what I have learned most of all during this short time. Sometimes I feel alone here at school, and need to remember to trust in the Lord. He is always with me. And He is always with you. Just turn to Him and include Him in all of your decisions. I'm sure you know that better than I do, but a reminder like that never hurts.  

Love, Nena

Safety for the Soul

Elder Holland—October 2009

One of the worst large-scale calamities is the enemy of truth. Satan is all around us, at all times. He specifically targets that which he does not have- a body. He also targets the Book of Mormon, because it has brought forth the fullness and restoration of the gospel. The Book of Mormon has been attacked and denied for 179 years, and still it stands true. No amount of research can add up to disprove the Book of Mormon, because there is no other answer. The fullest measure of faith comes through embracing the divinity of the Book of Mormon. I hope that by the end of this class, I will have developed a greater testimony of the Book of Mormon. I believe in its truthfulness, and through that I have a testimony of Joseph Smith, of Jesus Christ, and of the reality of the Second Coming. Now, I just want a better understanding of the teachings and principles that are scattered throughout this great book. Hopefully as I learn more about how I can apply those principles in my life, I will be better prepared to be a missionary, to be a wife and mother, and to face my Savior in the Second Coming. It’s great to read the Book of Mormon; I’ve done that since I was young. But this semester, I want to learn how to truly study and apply the Book of Mormon. I want to live it. And by doing so, I can create “a safety for my soul.”