Happy birthday to me.

Can you believe I'm NINETEEN. It just seems so old. Only one year away from 20. It is even weirder that I could be on a mission right now if I wanted.

Speaking of going on missions...I have given more thought to the possibility. Technically, I could have submitted my papers back in August and be leaving in a couple weeks. However, I have counseled with my parents, and my bishop, and the Lord most of all. At this point a mission is not in my plans. I don't know how I feel about that. Well, I feel at peace about it. In a way, I would really love to serve a mission. I loved going on splits with the sisters, I love teaching, I love being immersed in the gospel, I always feel so much desire to have these experiences that all of my peers and friends are having when I read their letters (to be honest, I'm so jealous). It seems like a mission would be the most perfect thing for me. I often get told that too, by church leaders and family members and dear friends. But that's part of the reason why I feel so at peace with my answer... Even though I would like to serve a mission, I just know that it's not for me. Not because I don't want to, not because I can't... Because I kind of do want to and I can. But I believe there must be something else in store for me, and I don't know what that is yet. 

For this year at least, it is serving as the RS president in my ward in Provo. If I was leaving on a mission right now, I would not be able to do that, and in the last 4 months I have seen so many wonderful things, just like one of my friends described from his mission: 

"You'll never gain as much knowledge and experience as you will on a mission. I can't tell you what an incredible experience it has been, especially as it comes to an end. The thought of going home soon leaves me speechless. I don't want to leave here... Missionary work is way too enjoyable. Seeing others change their lives... there's nothing like it. Not to mention the strength added to your personal testimony as well."

I've gained so much knowledge and experience in ward council, visiting teaching, coordinating, organizing, leading, and friendshipping in Relief Society that will affect the rest of my life. It is way too enjoyable. I've seen my sisters change their lives and had the opportunity to teach and befriend. It has helped me focus more on other people during this extremely selfish time of life. 

There has been so much strength added to my personal testimony as well. There were times at the beginning when I would just cry because it was too hard, it was too much time, I was too unqualified, etc. etc. But then I'd talk to my mom, and my grandma, and most of all the Lord, and be comforted, and lifted up, and reassured. I've gained such an amazing relationship working so closely with my bishop and his wife, and my testimony has been strengthened immensely. I've learned how to teach effectively and lovingly. Does this sound like a mission? I believe that this is my mission, at least for right now. I don't know if later the opportunity or desire to serve full-time will come up. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Anyway, that was a huge tangent. Today not only marks my day of birth, but the first day of finals week. Bleh. I discovered that I will have to take a final on my birthday in all my years of college, how lovely. I was not planning on much celebration but I was pleasantly surprised. I am blessed with so many thoughtful friends who made my birthday very happy indeed. But alas, I took a lot of liberties with my limited time today and am now have to really crack down on finals. Until those are over...ciao.