Semester Numero Dos

It's so beyond weird to think that I have completed my first semester of college. Like, I'm totally done. I never have to think about American Heritage again. I am in the groove of things and think I've got it all going on. Who are we kidding, I definitely have got it going on.

Church. School. Work. Dates. Cooking. Textbooks of death. Sometimes it all feels very mundane and checklist-y, and sometimes it all feels like I am a college student have these amazing adventures and the best time of my life! Depends on the day, and how much homework I have. It hasn't exactly been everything I expected...BYU is hard. I really struggled with the homework load this last semester. How does one find a healthy balance between working really hard to do my best /slash/ having an acceptance of fate attitude. I don't know. But, regardless, I LOVE IT SO MUCH. BYU is the perfect place for me. Campus is beautiful and I have met so many lifelong friends. I've dated a lot, which has been so fun, though sometimes a little stressful. My ward is absolutely amazing. I love my bishopric so much, they love us so much, they are so involved in our lives, and it's been really cool to see our little student ward step up and take real callings and ward council and  minister and love and serve each other. I'm excited to get to know the new members of our ward...particularly that RM I saw moving in with a tennis racket.

Mosiah 1:3-4

“Were it not for these plates, which contain these records and these commandments, we must have suffered in ignorance, even at this present time, not knowing the mysteries of God….Lehi did teach them to his children, that thereby they could teach them to their children, and so fulfilling the commandments of God, even down to this present time.”

I do not know when I marked these verses, but I am so glad I did. It caused me to pause in my reading and consider what meaning I must have gleaned from them before. One of the most effective ways for me to read scripture is by putting myself in the present situation: when I read those words in Mosiah, I think, “Were it not for these scriptures, I would be suffering in ignorance. The scriptures are given to me at this day for the purpose of fulfilling the commandments of God. My parents used the scriptures to teach me, and one day I must also teach my children the word of God.”

I am so thankful to be born of goodly parents, as Nephi would say. My mom and dad reared me in the gospel and taught me essential truths that carry my testimony today. My dad is a scriptorian, and knows the word of God inside and out. Not only does he know the words, but he also lives them. He is a wonderful example—like Lehi—of teaching the word to his children and “so fulfilling the commandments of God.” I hope to fulfill this commandment as well, when I have a family of my own. I am so grateful for the opportunities I have to study the word of God, and my testimony is strengthened as I do.

Rise and shout, this Cougar is out.

College life is up and running. Bekah sometimes gets up and goes running. We are still figuring this whole thing out. Wish us the best, and hope to hear more soon, because that will mean that we are surviving.

Again, I love writing to real people instead of the zero virtual eyes who read this blog. So again, here is an update in the form of a missionary letter:

My roommates are fabulous. They are all very nice and easy to live with. We don't have a lot of organization, like chore charts and dinner assignments, because it just gets done anyway. Everyone picks up after themselves, makes sure that no one needs the bathroom before we shower, vacuums twice a week. It's perfect. Bekah is the best roommate I could ever ask for. She is such a blessing in my life and I am very grateful to have her!

School is a grind. I love it. But I hate it. But it's amazing. But it's killing me. I am taking 14 credit hours and I am on campus at work and studying and in lectures from 8:00am to 6:00pm every day. My classes are all very interesting and I like attending lectures and lab hours, but the homework is death. Hours upon hours upon hours of just READING. So it's like, what do I study? What should I know for the exam? Who knows, so I just feel like I need to know all of it. Most of my teachers are great though.

Work is going well. I am working in the admissions office, and learning so much about what students go through in order to come to BYU. And it makes me even more grateful for the opportunity I have to be here, at little to no cost, studying with the best of the best. So even though school is hard and homework is annoying, I love it. And I feel extremely blessed for the circumstances I find myself in.

Our YSA ward is great. We have ward prayer every Sunday night, FHE on Mondays with 2 other apartments, and lots of intramurals. I am playing on an Ultimate Frisbee team and it is so fun. We're pretty good, too! I also have the opportunity/curse to be very involved with the ward, because I have been called to be the Relief Society President. I love it, but I just feel a little inadequate and a little bit wondering, "Why me? Why me, when I am stressing out to keep my scholarship and take lots of credit hours and work every day?" I am striving to have a better attitude and embrace the calling. It is extremely busy. And stressful. And emotionally draining.  

And rewarding. And beautiful. To be able to get to know the sisters in my ward on such a personal basis, and be provided with tangible opportunities to serve every day is amazing. I am grateful for those things. And I just pray that I can find time in my busy days to magnify this calling and do the best that I can. Also, I'm getting really good at delegating.  

Speaking of church, there's been a lot of it. In the last week, I have attended about fourteen hours of church meetings. Also in the last week, I have listened to four Apostles speak live. President Eyring, Elder Nelson, Elder Scott, and Elder Christofferson have given messages at the Inauguration, Regional Conference, and our Tuesday devotional. I feel so blessed to not only be earning a secular education here at BYU, but to have so many testimony building experiences available to me. I am inspired by so many people here. My testimony has grown so much. It's really different going to church without parents and YW leaders expecting me to be there. It's also really different having sacrament meeting in a YSA ward because it is absolutely silent. It's kind of eerie to not hear crying babies and complaining children while the Priesthood is passing the bread and water. I love it. Taking the Sacrament has been a completely different experience for me these last couple of weeks, and it's amazing what a difference that reverence makes. 

I have gone on quite a few dates already. Some with an RM from my grandma and grandpa's mission in Australia. He is clearly very interested and I am befuddled with how to tell him that I am clearly not interested at all. He is a nice person, though.  

The others have been with AH. Do you know him at all? I guess you could say we're dating. Wha?! It has all happened so fast, but I feel really wonderful about it. From the moment we met, I feel like there was this inherent trust where I could tell him anything without fear of judgement or "you're weird" and he was listening, and did the same. We have continued to spend a lot of time together- studying on campus, lunch dates, tennis, watching football at his apartment, jam sessions, walks around the block, night hikes up the canyon, four-wheeling at his cabin, football games, phone calls every night, just everything!  

He served his mission in North Carolina and got home a year ago in October. So even though he is three years older than me, he's only one semester ahead of me in school. I have found out pretty quickly that in college, age doesn't matter. He is almost 22. Which is a little bit freaky, if you think about it that way, but honestly, we're both just people and we're both just in college and figuring out what to do with our lives and like spending time together and I trust him and he is so fun and handsome and so it is all just really pretty great. Plus, I am almost 19, and that's pretty old too. 

I have found lots of time to play tennis. I love playing on the BYU courts, and I think of you every time I do! BYU had a match against USU this week, but unfortunately I couldn't go. Instead I went to a movie showing for my American Heritage class. 

I can't think of any other major updates. Hopefully you made it though that novel. I'm sure I would also have a lot more questions for you if I knew what was going on! Does your mom send out general updates?

...But the thing I have discovered with writing missionaries (and please tell me if this is true for you) is that they don't care much for questions about the mission, because they live and experience that every day. So as exciting as it is, it's not that exciting for all of your emails/letters to be focused on the mission.  

If I were a missionary, I would like to feel as if I had real connections at home that were telling me what was actually going on, instead of censoring for what missionaries are "supposed" to think about, etc. I mean, you are still a human being with family and friends and a life. Your focus is on the Lord for these two years, but on P days you get a little taste of home again. Please let me know if you'd like me to omit any details such as dating (because that is totally taboo for some missionaries) or something else like that. My main mission is to let you know that I support you! Now, I have successfully made this even more of a novel.  

I love you! I pray for you often. I hope Spanish is coming more naturally for you every single day. I have learned so many things about myself in these three short weeks of school, so far. I am grateful for eye-opening experiences. This college thing is so hard, but it is so worth it. And I'm positive that your mission is the same way. What have you learned about yourself in these last few weeks? 

Have a wonderful week. Be safe and good and trust in the Lord. That is what I have learned most of all during this short time. Sometimes I feel alone here at school, and need to remember to trust in the Lord. He is always with me. And He is always with you. Just turn to Him and include Him in all of your decisions. I'm sure you know that better than I do, but a reminder like that never hurts.  

Love, Nena

Catching up: via a letter to Max

Dear Maxie-Poo,

I'm sorry I haven't written you a letter for awhile. Mom always tells me when she is sealing an envelope and I begin writing you a letter, and it is consistently left unfinished. Not today.

Right now, all is well and peaceful at home. Dad and Jens and Grace and Ash and Anna and Jack are at Anderson Camp. That leaves you in Mexico. And only me and Mom and Gabriel at home. It is so quiet. And clean. Too quiet and clean, if you ask me. But it is nice everyonceinawhile. <-- Yes, that is one word. I don't remember much about Anderson Camp because I think I was 6 or 7 the last time I was privileged enough to attend. Mom and I just returned home from dinner at Robintino's- all by ourselves. I felt bad leaving for work this morning because she had no company except Gabriel.

Speaking of work... My last day at Gordon's Copyprint happened this week, on Tuesday. Surprisingly, I was very sad! J finally did get fired and he was the only things about that job I didn't really like, so I will miss it there.  Also, my last day of City Recreation (tennis and kid's kamp) was today. So sad. Now I won't have anything to do until I move down to Provo. Which, in case you were wondering, is in 24 DAYS!!!!!!!!!! Holy Hannah I am so excited. I already have a job lined up down there- working in the Admissions Office as a receptionist, 14 hrs a week. it's going to be perfect. Bekah and I have all sorts of wonderful plans. Did I tell you about my roommates? 2 of them are from Texas. The others haven't responded to any emails.

Mom says I can't use more than one page, so now I have to use a pen that won't bleed through the paper. Holy cow, Max. This summer has been so long, yet somehow just flown by. I feel weird being in this limbo stage because it feels like a lifetime ago that I graduated high school but I am so close to college. Ya know?

I have been on a hecka lot of dates lately. 19 in 4 weeks. It's so fun! Haha and a little bit ridiculous. I have been wondering at what point will I stop thinking about S and comparing all these boys I meet to him? Hasn't happened yet. But...it is getting a little difficult to write S because he hardly gives me any response. Like he'll reply pretty regularly, but never more than a few words. Laaamme. I don't really know why. He is just trying to use his time in the best/most effective way as a missionary? He doesn't care about me? He doesn't remember he cares about me? Oh well. Not a huge deal.

I keep looking around at the munchkins who live here... I mean, our family, and thinking about how weird it will be to not be around them all the time. I am excited to get out of Mom's chore rotation. I think that's the only thing I am excited about leaving. The rest I will miss. And the rest of my excitement is just for the new things in Provo, not because I am just dying to leave home. In fact, I am heartbroken over leaving home. I have had to say goodbye to so many dear friends over the last year- leaving me for missions and college... It's so weird when it is my turn, people are saying goodbye to me. You know? Just a part of life, I s'pose.

Life is good.  Life is weird. Sometime I feel like I am just pretending and waiting for real life to begin. I love you so much and hope all is going well.  I talk to someone almost everyday about what a wonderful missionary you are. You teach me every week even though we are so far apart. I love you.

Your adoring little sister,

nena

I'm done?

Wow. What a crazy time. It is so bizarre to think that high school is now officially over. After senior banquet, prom, baccalaureate, seminary graduation, looking back assembly, yearbooks, graduation, and the all-night party, I am physically and emotionally exhausted. Some people had even more things going on...for example, my friend M got engaged the day after we graduated. They're getting married in August. And my friend A opened her mission call tonight. She leaves for the West Indies in October. All of these things and more have been occupying my mind and my time this week, and they were all wonderful!

I had the opportunity to speak at Seminary graduation. I loved it. A lot of people shy away from speaking in public, but as long as I'm prepared (and even when I'm not), I really love it. I am not entirely sure why. The whole meeting was very nice and we heard great testimonies from fellow graduates- the most memorable from Josh. Remember Josh? He has multiple sclerosis from birth and is in a wheel chair. He used to be in my ward before the boundary split, and I've had a lot of opportunities to get to know him. And he has had a lot of opportunities to get to know and understand the Lord. I cannot imagine living such a restricted life...Josh is physically incapable of so many things. But that does not stop him. Even though it is hard to understand the words he speaks, the Spirit he invites into the room is amazing. He is so close to the Lord as a result of his trials and handicap. He inspires me.

Thursday felt like four separate days. It is crazy to think that this was only one year ago for my dearest friends, who are now all over the world serving the Lord. I got to hang my tennis racket on the memory wall at the Looking Back assembly and it was so emotional! Tennis is probably one of the things I will miss the most about high school. I was on yearbook staff this year and the yearbooks turned out great. We then went to lunch with a group of my closest friends and our parents, and the graduation ceremony was in the afternoon. It wasn't as terribly long as I expected it to be. Okay, here's the best part: J RAPPED for his graduation speech. And it was amazing!! Haha. Just imagine. I got to lead the class onto the floor and sit front and center the whole time. Perks of being a nerd, I guess.

After the ceremony, I went to dinner with my parents and grandparents and then to the all-night party. Sooo amazing. I cannot even tell you. It was so fun.

Now I am just trying to come to grips with the fact that I'M DONE. What? After all that hard work, and long days, and no sleep, and fun friends, and careless attitudes, and silly teachers, and busy work, and speed dips...I'm just done? The end came so fast, and now I have one summer before my life as a college student and a real, live adult begins.

So, enough about that. Here are some gems from Preach My Gospel. During the last General Conference address, we were challenged to read and study PMG with our missionaries. It is a missionary tool, but all members of the Church can use it everyday. I have loved taking this challenge with my missionaries and receiving feedback from them! Today, I would like to point out Chapter 4, How do I recognize and understand the Spirit, especially in reference to receiving personal revelation. I LOVE PERSONAL REVELATION. I love reading my patriarchal blessing. Different words and phrases and meanings and feelings and burnings in my heart jump out at me each time I do. In PMG, it says that Joseph Smith said that personal revelation is vital for our daily work. So, I would like to make a goal to read my patriarchal blessing more often with personal scripture study, and extend the same challenge to you. It makes me feel so happy to know that Heavenly Father knows and loves me enough to provide a personal blessing. Just for me. To lead and guide me through happy and hard times. To remind me of my spiritual gifts- gifts that He gave me so that I can bless His other children with the gospel. 

As I read my blessing, I can be prompted through the Holy Ghost and I have several experiences with this so far... One blessing I am promised is to receive a testimony of the Book of Mormon. I have a gift of faith, and I have faith that the Book of Mormon is true. I have never received a special experience that testifies that to me, personally, though. But I know that "faith without works is dead" so I am working to become more diligent in my scripture study so that I may have that strong assurance of my faith and testify to others- perhaps on a mission, just at school, or in my home.

Now that summer has begun, hopefully blogging will not continue to fall to the bottom of my priority list. There are no grades for me to maintain, only health and love and happiness. So here's to all of those good things and the beginning of my last "carefree" summer.

People are Beautiful

"People are beautiful. You know?" This was a thought presented by one of my missionaries in a letter she sent home. And it struck me hard.

Even in my limited experience, I am getting to know a lot of different people and life stories. And I am beginning to realize, just arriving at the tip of the iceburg really...We are all children of our Heavenly Father, just with different experiences to share. And we can learn from each other!

There is a boy. One of my dear friends, actually. He is struggling a lot with the Church and pressure to go on a mission (because ninety-eight percent of our graduating class is leaving right after high school, it seems. I feel that pressure too.) Anyway, I have found myself in a situation where I try to help him understand the love God has for him. And that God's love is ultimately more important than anything else. We talk together about his struggles and it has been such an amazing testimony builder...for ME. I feel so selfish sharing the gospel, sharing the love, sharing His love- because I feel like I am gaining infinitely more blessings than my friend! Oh but I love it. I love it.

Tangent: Those people I always thought were always perfect? NEWSFLASH, they're not. My brother Max, for example. I have always looked up to him and he created an impossible standard in my mind. But the more I grow up and realize that he is not perfect, the more I love him. I have seen his imperfections especially through the difficulty of missionary work, which is ironic because he strives for perfection on his mission more than ever before. 

Without going into more detail about my perceptions of others' imperfections (motes, beams, Hymn 273), I have developed a theory:

THEORY

When considering the interconnection one has with another, the aforementioned propinquity is thus unconsciously fortified by the culmination of awareness that a given species has more similarities than anomalies in all respects of cognitive, behavioral, and environmental influences.

Haha. In English, that means that I believe that when I realize other people are like me...busy, forgetful, self-conscious, cough, HUMAN...my relationship with them is strengthened. The gap is closed. There is less distance between us, and so we become closer. 

I begin to see similarities and cute quirks in traits that were once annoyances and blemishes. I am more inclined to accept, even if I don't agree. 

What it all boils down to is this: take away the judgement, the predicament, the difference. Take it all away, and what do you and I have in common? WE ARE CHILDREN OF GOD. Who loves us and we love Him. 

While this is true, the judgements and predicaments and differences unfortunately do still exist, and occasionally arise in conflict. It is difficult for me to imagine situations from another person's point of view. I often wonder, as Elder W. Craig Zwick did in our most recent General Conference, "What are you thinking!?" (Read his talk here)

However, between the mistakes, flaws, faults, bumheadedness, and pain- there is beauty. People are beautiful, and they deserve to know it. Over the last few weeks, I have received many promptings to consider my own judgements, and simply accept, even if I don't agree. So I am taking this charge to minister grace and let you know that you are beautiful.

(Or handsome. Whichever one applies.)