This has been weighing on my mind ever since President Monson announced that I can begin missionary service at age nineteen.
Prior to October 2012 I had not considered serving a full-time mission. The timing never seemed to fit in my plan of college and marriage and babies. And frankly, I didn't have a desire. A mission was not for me. When the prophetic age change was revealed, I was immediately overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy and worry. I felt I had to make the decision to serve my mission right away. These feelings persisted for months, fed by pressure from everyone around me. The age change was a hot topic, but I never felt quite comfortable sharing exactly what I had on my mind. People would ask me nearly every day, "Are you going to serve a mission?" Friends, family, neighbors, strangers.. Others around me were excited. Oh, I wanted to be excited. But the only answer--the most truthful answer--I could give was I DON'T KNOW. I felt lame. Inadequate. "Not spiritual enough."
Fast forward six months to April General Conference.. Should I serve a mission? I begged for a lightning-bolt answer to my question. In pursuit of that answer, I took extensive notes on all five sessions. And I am oh so glad I did. Never have I felt the influence of the Holy Ghost quite like I did during those ten hours, and reading those notes allows me to re-experience those promptings. I did not receive the answer I was looking for. But.. After listening intently to inspired speakers and prophets, I came to the conclusion that it's okay not to know. My worry dissipated and I felt assured that when the time came, I would be able to make the right decision.
A short time later, I talked to my bishop about the possibility of a full-time mission. He gave me the best advice I've heard yet: PREPARE for missionary service, no matter what. Financially, emotionally, spiritually.. When it comes time, the only factor will then be God's will. If I am supposed to serve a mission, I will know. And I will be prepared. If I am not supposed to serve a mission, I will know. And my preparation will benefit every other aspect of my life.
It has now been a year and half since I began thinking about my mission. First it was a source of worry, tension, confusion. Now I feel excitement, peace, and comfort. I know now that I will serve a mission.
My mission might be serving in my ward at BYU, starting my own family, or being sent somewhere in this great big world to share the gospel.. I still don't know that part! There are many missions for me to fulfill. I believe that I will receive an answer when the time comes. And if I don't receive "yes" or "no," I'll take that as a sign of His trust in my ability to choose. These are all good things and I want to experience all of them. But for now, I will simply prepare. And be happy! This gospel brings me so much joy and I try to share it everyday, even if I don't wear a black name-tag.
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