A Blessing in Disguise

Since serving as a class officer in the eighth grade, my greatest ambition was to be elected as senior class president. Some people might cringe at the thought of planning reunions for the rest of their lives, but I craved it. I love planning, helping, and creating memories. My only drawback while I considered running for office was the possibility of failure. I would feel humiliated to put my name before my peers, to actively campaign, to work so hard: only to fail. Finally, after months of preparation--emotionally and otherwise--I took the final step of fulfilling my dream and put my name on the ballot. 

During those weeks, I forced myself to set aside my fears of rejection. I invested my heart in my campaign. After an exhausting first round of elections, I made it through the primaries. I was empowered by this accomplishment, and I began to enjoy myself through the rest of campaigns. It was fun to encourage my peers to vote, and I soon forgot my apprehension in running. Then came the day of final elections. I gave a speech that morning, and was told to expect a phone call from the current senior class president that evening. 

As soon as I got to the sanction of home, away from the influence of my peers, I sat in my room for three hours unable to do anything but wait for that phone call- a call that would determine my senior year of high school. I have to say, I felt very confident that I would win after being told so by teachers, friends, and family. But doubt still nagged at me. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the phone rang and I hesitantly picked up. For a moment, my heart leapt for joy! Then like a shipwreck, it plunged, when I heard his melancholy voice. I lost. I lost. I lost. That is the only thought I had as I began to cry. Everything I had worked for and dreamed of in the last four years was gone, over a simple phone call.

I put my heart into that election, and frankly it was the first time I had ever truly lost something. Sure, I’ve lost a few tennis matches and races and card games; but I’ve never lost a close family member, I’ve never lost a close friend, and I’ve never gotten less than an A. I really felt like a failure when I wasn’t elected. However, that feeling did not last. My friends and family immediately helped me get back on my feet and be okay. Through their support, I realized that I am surrounded by people who truly love me. I know that their love is unconditional. This understanding has carried me through other hardships since then. Also, a few days after the bad news, I was called to serve on Viewmont’s LDS Seminary Council. In hindsight, I see that I would have missed that opportunity if I were elected, among many others. 

I am reminded of this “failure” everyday at school, but I now consider it a blessing. The most important lesson I have gained from this experience is to trust in the Lord at all costs. Even though my plan to be senior class president seemed good and uplifting, it was not what He had in store for me. Instead, I’ve been blessed to know who my true friends are, I’ve been able to spend precious time with family before I leave for good, and I’ve been presented with countless ordinary, yet powerful, opportunities to serve my peers. 

Sunday Sonnet

A song is a prayer of the heart, they say-

Each note’s a word unspoken, sent above,

Above to Him who gives me light each day.

Through song, I feel His everlasting love.

A song is a prayer of the heart, I’m told:

Each man is an instrument in His hand.

I sing, and watch countless blessing unfold

Upon those who adore and understand.

A song is a prayer of the heart, I hear.

In song, I pray for the ultimate goal

Of helping me feel my Savior draw near:

He crosses my mind and pierces my soul.

A song is a prayer of the heart, I know!

And with each song that I sing, my heart grows.

(D&C 25:12)

Press Forward

This year I have the opportunity to serve on our seminary council. What a timely calling! I have already learned so much about myself and my testimony. During the summer, the council searched The Book of Mormon to find a theme that could benefit Viewmont students, not only in seminary, but in every aspect of their lives. It was an eye-opening experience that taught me about the process of revelation. After much discussion, consideration, and prayer, we felt unified in our impression that 2 Nephi 31:20 is to be our theme for 2013:

I must press forward. Notice the word "must". It is not an option. I will press forward by acting on promptings of the Spirit, big or small.

With a steadfastness in Christ. I looked up steadfastness, and one definition I found is "unwavering faith". With unwavering faith in Christ. As I am making important decisions that will affect the rest of my life, I need to go forward with decisions and know that He will provide a way. I will have faith in Christ by trusting His timing.

Having a perfect brightness of hope. Faith, hope, and charity are three best friends. Faith is in Jesus Christ, hope is in His atonement, and charity is the pure love of Christ. Hope is my personal favorite part of this verse...it affects every aspect of my life. I have hope that I will survive high school, I have hope that I can grow in the gospel, and I have hope that I will have a family of my own one day. (Read my favorite talk about hope here) I will have hope by looking for the good in every situation.

And a love of God and all of men. I am a daughter of Heavenly Father, who loves me and I love Him. In fact, we are all His children and all have divine potential. President Monson counseled us to see people not as they are at present, but how they can become. I will show my love to God by following His commandments and I will love others by trying to see them through God's eyes.

Feasting upon the word of Christ. We have all known our parts of speech since elementary school...what is feasting? It's a verb. It's an active verb. In order to feast, we can implement the advice given to us in the primary song "Search, Ponder, and Pray". I will feast by putting my spiritual studies above my studies in school.

And endure to the end. Enduring is not merely surviving. It is intended to be difficult, but ultimately, refining. We have the gift of the Atonement, so we must repent. We must have the Holy Ghost with us. We must serve others and become one in our Savior. We must share the gospel with others. And we must maintain faith and hope in Christ (Elder L. Tom Perry). I will endure to the end by learning that the Lord loves and supports me in my endeavors, as long as they are His will.

And here comes the promise...

I can have eternal life.

And you can too.

Wherefore, you must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if you shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.

My capacity to love and understand the gospel is growing. My faith is growing. My seed is planted and my roots are growing deeper with each passing day. I love my Savior Jesus Christ. I love my family. I want to gain a greater understanding of the Atonement. I am willing to try my faith and study to attain this knowledge...and what better way to do it than in seminary? I am so excited to study the Book of Mormon this year, and hope to be able to share it with many others.

A change of heart

I came across this video today, by way of a good friend. Definitely needed it. Lately I have been so caught up in my own life that I haven't made time for others, including the Savior. I know inside that this is a time when I especially need Him. So I need to come unto Him and to start, I am making a couple little goals for myself.

Finish Personal Progress before December 15.

Read my scriptures, diligently, each day. Including the assigned reading for seminary.

And a less tangible goal...put my entire trust in the Lord. Come unto Him.

Moroni 10:32 tells me to "come unto Christ, and be perfected in him". Jesus was humble, obedient, kind, courageous, submissive, selfless, and full of love. He was a healer, teacher, and a servant. I NEED to exhibit these traits to the best of my ability. So here goes.

There are a lot of big things happening in my life right now...who am I kidding. There will always be big things happening in my life. However, right now I am making decisions that will affect my life for years, perhaps eternity, to come. I have been pretty selfish to this point, and spent a lot of time thinking Wo is me. My goal is to consciously think about the needs of other people before mine. I hope that will help me come unto Him in being selfless, kind, humble, and full of love.

I have so much more to say. My hope is that recording these thoughts will encourage me to do them, even though nobody reads this. It's out there for me.

Today I am changing, and I will not have to do it again. I will have faith in the Lord and come unto Him. Sometimes it is not seemingly convenient, but it is always worth it. Always. I know that, but it's different this time because now I am going to DO IT. I know it and I love it, but here and now: I live it.

What a Day

First Fillmore Family Farewell. (Don't you love alliteration? It really makes things pop.) 

This is the end of an era. Max enters the MTC next week and our nuclear family will never, no never, all be together again in our home. But I know that we will always, yes always, be together in spirit and purpose. I am so thankful for the knowledge I have that my family is sealed together for eternity. I know that Max is going away for a short time so that other families can know this joy. The Lord is hastening his work, my friends, and I am so proud of Max for all that he has done to prepare himself to fulfill his duties. He has gone above and beyond and has such a positive impact on everyone he encounters.

On another note, my senior year of high school starts tomorrow.

Oddly enough, I don't feel very excited. I feel like a lot of things are coming to a close, actually. This was my last real summer. It was a productive one, yes. In fact, it reminds me of the saying, "No man on his deathbed ever said 'I wish I spent more time at the office'". I worked hard this summer. I have no regrets, but maybe a little longing for just one more week. To utterly spoil myself and complete every cliché bucket list item you could possibly think of. Oh well. Here's to growing up.

Sunday Scripture

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

Ether 12:27

On Top of the World

The boys and I hiked Mount Timpanogas, the second highest peak in the Wasatch Front. 15 miles round trip, we gained 4,500 feet in elevation, which is equivalent to climbing about 6,750 stairs. Taking into account my sore glutes, this is definitely a hike worth doing again.

The drive up the canyon alone was breathtaking. We hiked and hiked and hiked, a steady climb to the top. After an unnecessary shortcut that probably did more harm than good, we came to a basin, just beginning to bloom with thousands of wildflowers. One side was a retaining wall of sheer rock, another hillside of lupine and lush green, with patches of snow all around...As my dad described it, it was like standing in God's cupped palm. This landscaper know what He's doing.

We continued on, scrambling up rocks, like the billy goats we saw on the way. On the saddle, we looked out into the valley. It was a clear enough day that we could count six or seven temples while we were standing on that mountain, another house of the Lord. When we reached the peak, I felt on top of the world. After all the hard work it took to get there, I appreciated the view even more. It was impossible to soak in the expanse around me, and I marvel at all of the Lord's creations.

To quote my wise dad, "This hike is life in a day." It's easy to look at the dirt at your feet, and focus on the hurts. However, the best thing to do is find joy in the journey. There are new things to discover each step of the way, if you only take a moment to look up. I feel so blessed that I was able to experience Timpanogas this weekend. I feel blessed for my capable body, thankful for my family and the insights they offer, and wonder at the beauty that surrounds me!

PS. Can you find my brother?

Sunday Scripture

"And now, Nena, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that you must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which you are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."

Helaman 5:12

Priggity Prom

Thank you Spencer, for a weekend to remember. He spoiled me with a helicopter ride...Tuscany for dinner...a magical time at the dance...I'm so happy to call this boy my best friend!

Check it...I'm famous.

New Era, May 2013